Feeling too frustrated to medidate?
‘No, meditation is not for me. I feel so frustrated, no, I’m not going to do it”. I’ve struggled with this emotion so many times that I’ve lost count. I can relate and empathise when people cut the discussion short basing their one and only, probably very short experience, of what meditation is like and not give it another second thought.
We often think and associate meditation as being this zen state, where you don’t think or feel anything. While that might be true for some, it is not the sum and total experience of what meditation should and could be. There are many different types of meditations, and it is a skill that needs to be learnt. That means it requires patience and knowledge, and I can tell you that it will not always lead you to being so still that everything stops! Especially when we are just starting out our practice, or returning to it from a long hiatus, the first few attempts are more about becoming mindful of how we are and getting to face our ‘inner demons’, whether it is an over active mind, or feeling super emotional.
There were moments where I needed to stop five minutes in, have a little walk around the house and grab myself a cozy tea, before getting back into it again. I keep trying to meditate no matter what because I have given this practice time to learn how expansive, healing, and freeing a meditation can be. Therefore I have given it enough attempts that my understanding of it, and what it means to me, is not attributed to just one failed attempt. When it comes to meditation and feeling frustrated, it’s similar to cleaning and tidying up your house. You need to give time to gather up all the frustration in one bag before letting it out, so that you can delve deeper into the meditative state without any distraction.
The moments where I’m far too frustrated to meditate, highlight more how much I need to meditate.
Frustration can gather up and accumulate in our body during the day, in forms of tension and lingering hormones which become unhelpful as we move throughout our day. You might be masterful at suppressing emotions before realising how unsettled you internally feel, and the moment you slow down to check in with yourself is when you become increasingly aware of how frustrated you really are. This is where we usually tend to stop and give up on the practice, thinking that meditation will frustrate us more rather than calms us down; when in fact we are just becoming mindful of what’s already there.
In my experience, allowing myself to really feel the frustration has more of a possibility to come to terms with it. By becoming aware and acknowledging what I’m experiencing, a paradox effect comes into play, that of it easing off. I don’t always know nor not need to understand what’s causing me to feel frustrated. All that matters is that while I’m meditating, I’m also experiencing frustration, and I shift my focus to become curious to see how it’s effecting me in the present moment. Just like an old friend I allow myself to sit with it, and once it’s done, it eventually leaves.
If you’re having trouble meditating because you’re feeling frustrated, try out the following steps:
Prepare yourself to start your meditation.
Slow down and control your breaths.
Become aware of your frustration.
Be curious of its effects on your body.
Once you’ve pinpointed your physical manifestation, exaggerate it – If your leg is bouncing nervously, bounce it more. If your hands are tense, tense them up more.
Then stop exaggerating and let go.
Notice the experience that comes after.
Repeat until you feel calmer.
I want to support you and tell you that if I can do it, so can you! The more you practice, the easier it becomes at honing in the skill. By trying, failing and trying again, you might come to realise how capable you are at holding your feeling of frustration without it getting the best of you.
